Week Update
The suspense is still there for me.
Wondering if I will ever hear from them again.
Wondering if I will get over what happened.
Incident always in the back of my mind.
I find myself still sad over it.
Will I ever move on
And when will I move on?
Again 💔
What do I feel in the aftermath?
I feel sad, disappointment, angry at myself
Knowing that my pattern to push others away is a cycle
Knowing that I want to break the habit but I can’t
How many times have I done this where eventually others leave?
This is not the first time in this rodeo
But no way to seemingly end this cycle
The cycle just continues
Where or when will it end to where I can keep human connections?
Written January 30, 2024
Ode to Relationships:
By Me
Others can maintain them and strive in them
I on the other hand kill them and they wither away
What can I do to keep them?
I know that my ability to be a friend ends up pushing others away
I need to learn to say goodbye to them
And realize they are not for me
Goodbye I say to friends and friendships
Goodbye I say to trying to become close to others
Goodbye I say to feeling disappointed and sad when I kill a relationship
Goodbye I say to human connections
This is now me.
Written January 29, 2024
Journey into New Pathways
A New Direction
I have not written in this blog for the past four years. Over the weekend, I was sharing some poems I had written with a friend who recommended I revive my blog to post my poems so now the blog is going to take a new direction and be a place to post my poems. I am hoping that the style of posts/blog entries will be a picture of the poem (which will be a poem on a white background then the border around the poem will be decorated) and the poem written out in more legible format.
But first before I jump into that, I thought I do a bit of a catch up summary of what has transpired since 2020, which was my last entry in this blog.
I have had the privilege of working for two school education districts, an agency to provide vaccine clinics during the heart of the pandemic, an agency to provide wellness clinics during the fall and flu season, hospital (briefly), residential care facility (briefly), a county jail (briefly), and now I work for a caregiver training institute in Oregon. A better outline of my career can be found at https://sites.google.com/view/imbeau-charlotte-rn/home/my-life-as-a-rn.
I have been to London, UK in October 2023 and Austin, TX in May 2024 as part of a volunteer program I participate in over time. I have taken the time to explore some USA states including Oregon, Washington, Utah, Idaho, and Nevada and have been to Canada to visit family. I have been back to my birthplace several times as well. The house that I was born in is still standing and still belongs to my family.
I have also started posting photos more frequently on Instagram and Threads. I post on those sites an average of once a week I would say. I have actually started using my YouTube channel I have had for the past few years to post YouTube shorts of different parks and museums and locations I have seen over the past several months. I have only been publishing videos since June on YouTube.
